


Your Violet Disposition

by goddhyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, donghyuck has tattoos and piercings, i dont know what im doing, johnny is marks brother, mark has some issues but hes okay i promise, trans mark babey!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 12:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddhyuck/pseuds/goddhyuck
Summary: Mark hadn't known that his brother forgetting his jacket would lead to another crush, but he was glad it did.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 22
Kudos: 287





	Your Violet Disposition

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy trans mark

Mark had a bad habit of developing crushes on the cute boys he encounters. Quick nervous smiles at the tall barista behind the counter, shaky questions to the library assistant for the semester. Always shallow and based on looks, nothing too deep. Sometimes he would notice the smaller things if he were particularly bored, like the way the librarian would always have a cup of water nearby, or the way he needed a step stool to help him organize the higher shelves.

It was never more than that, a tiny crush. Passing periods of admiration. But when he saw the boy with tattoos scattered across his arms and the piercings that adorned his ears, he knew this wasn't going to end up the same. He _hoped_ it wouldn't end up the same.

He didn't realize he was staring until the boy turned at the sound of the bell over the door.

"Hey, Johnny! I didn't think you were scheduled today,"

"I'm not, I forgot my jacket," Johnny walked past the boy, leaving Mark to stand at the door alone.

Mark hadn't been to Johnny's workplace often. He never thought much of it, not seeing any reason to stop by and bother his brother while he was working, even if that mostly entailed sketching and cleaning. Maybe he'd stop by more often, now that he knew of the existence of the cute boy.

Looking over at the other boy, Mark found him staring back. "You must be Mark," he started, extending his hand out, "I'm Donghyuck,"

He took the boy, Donghyuck's, hand and shook it. "Uhm, yeah. That's me, Mark."

Donghyuck giggled at that, turning to lean against the counter. Mark looks back to where Johnny disappeared to, wondering when he would be back. It had barely been two minutes, but he was growing anxious. The silence stretched between the two boys in the main room. 

Johnny and Mark were going out to lunch together, something they try to keep up with once every other week. Brotherly bonding, Johnny had claimed, before adding that he would pay for their meals since he has more than enough spending money from sharing rent and working as a tattoo artist. He had just left his jacket behind the day before, thinking he wouldn't need it.

In an attempt to distract himself, Mark started inspecting the pieces of art, the sketches of tattoo ideas that litter the walls. He looks at some longer than others, the separate styles of each artist distinct, even if he couldn't name them. Some were more colorful, others were just black linework, some were much larger, like a canvas, with smudged lines where the artist had dragged their arm over the pencil markings.

His eyes were drawn to the more colorful ones, with the colors seeming very deliberate in each piece. A tree with blues and greens surrounding it, a music note with a simple splash of red in the background. Intentional and beautiful.

"Those are mine," Mark jumped at the sudden voice, forgetting he wasn't alone.

"The ones in color?" He tilts his head, only sparing him a glance before going back to inspecting the art on the wall.

He hums in agreement, "I like the way they look against such a plain background. Even all together, it makes a person look truly like a canvas, covered in colors."

Mark didn't know how to respond to that, but luckily he didn't have to. Johnny cleared his throat and held up his jacket. "I got it! Ready to go, Mark?"

Nodding, he spun on his heels and turned toward the door. "It was nice to meet you, Donghyuck."

"You too, I'll see you around?" He looks hopeful, Mark thinks.

"Sure, I'll see you around." He smiled, hoping it didn't look as shaky as it felt. He was more nervous than he should be.

The smile he got back in response was almost blinding.

~

"Renjun, he was so handsome, you don't understand. He had these tattoos-"

"Well, he does work in a tattoo parlor,"

"Shut up, oh my god. He had a bunch of them all separated out and I want to get to know the meaning of each one. Assuming they have meanings. Do you think they have meanings or that he's just the kind of guy to get tattoos for the hell of it?"

He's rambling, they both know it. Mark also knows that Renjun probably isn't listening to him anymore, choosing to just nod his head and shrug every now and then. That's okay, Mark thinks, he just needs to get it out of his system.

"He also had piercings! Oh, he had a few on his ears that were so pretty. I wonder if he has more, I didn't look at him for very long," he trails off, a bit disappointed in himself.

"Just show back up at the parlor. Your brother works there, you have a reason to," 

Mark snaps his head up. "Oh my god. What the fuck? Why didn't I think of that? Dude," 

~

He was so taken by the idea that he could just show up at the parlor that he didn't even think of a reason, or that he even needed a reason, until he was asked.

"Is something wrong? Johnny's with a client right now, what's up?" Taeil's eyebrows were drawn together, clearly concerned. Again, Mark had never shown up at the parlor before yesterday, and here he was now, unannounced. And with no reason.

He immediately flushes, scrambling for an answer. "Oh uhm, yeah. I mean! No, no there's nothing wrong. You definitely don't need to go grab Johnny hyung, I stopped by to, uh," He looks around the main room frantically. "A, uh, piercing?"

Taeil seems not to notice how he immediately cringes, instead lighting up and turning around to grab the binder of piercing options that they provide. He's going on about the different options and which ones are the least painful, at least that's what Mark thinks is happening. He's not paying attention, thoughts bouncing around in his head like an old windows screensaver. 

Donghyuck had an ear piercing. Did he even want a piercing? Why did he say that? Oh, right. Donghyuck. Does a piercing hurt? Dumb question, obviously they do, its a hole in your body. He cringes again. It's only then does he realize Taeil looking at him, seemingly waiting for an answer.

"What?"

"Are you allergic to any metals? Some people have reactions to the material of the piercing, which we try to avoid," 

"Uh-"

"Mark?" A voice rang out, the voice he had been wanting to hear since he first stepped foot in the store yesterday. Donghyuck.

Almost immediately he flushes, still looking at Taeil. "Uh, hey! What are you doing here?"

Taeil snorts, grabbing the binder off the counter and closing it, sliding it back on the shelf where it was before. Donghyuck doesn't seem to notice anything, just chuckling at the question. "Last I checked I worked here, unless I got fired overnight, which would be unfortunate." 

"Ah! Yes, obviously. Well, I gotta get going. I have," Mark glances at his wrist as if checking the time despite there being no watch, "a very important thing waiting for me."

He makes for the door, slipping past Donghyuck, as Taeil calls out. "Let me know about that metal thing! Wouldn't want any reactions to a new piercing,"

Right before the door closes, a happy "Oh! A piercing, how cute," reaches his ears. He's a block away by the time it processes, and he flushes red once more.

The next time Mark shows up at the parlor, he's better prepared. He brought lunch for Johnny. Even texted him beforehand to ask what he wanted and to make sure that he didn't try and buy his own lunch.

He should have expected the questioning look that Johnny shared with him before he even pulled their food out of the bag.

"Why'd you stop by the other day? Actually, no, forget that, why did Hyuck tell me that you were in here for a piercing?" 

"I wanted one?" His voice was squeaky, high-pitched. 

"Somehow, I doubt that," Johnny sighed. "Mark, what's going on? Why were you so set on bringing me lunch today? Is something wrong?"

Mark began to turn red, looking around to double-check that, no, Donghyuck was not in the room. "I… might have, uh, a tiny crush? On one of your coworkers?"

Johnny choked on the chip he was eating, grabbing the water next to him and chugging it. "Hyuck?" he croaked out weakly.

"M-maybe?" He was burning red, fidgeting in his seat as he waited for an answer. When he got none, he kept talking. "He's, um, he's really cute. I think. And he seems really sweet. His voice is really pretty, too. I, uh, his artwork, it's also really good? I wanna get to know him better but I'm nervous, cuz, ya know?" He vaguely gestured around himself.

Johnny frowned. "Hey, none of that. Mark, he's a good guy, I promise you. That won't be an issue at all. You don't even have to tell him until you're ready, you shouldn't have to make it this known thing in the beginning of even knowing each other. You're a man, and I know for a fact that he's gay, so you have a shot. Okay?" He reassured. "Can I hug you?"

Mark nodded, pushing himself into Johnny's arms, heaving out a sigh. "I don't like it. I've never tried to get close to my crushes before and it's nerve-wracking,"

Johnny laughed. "Of course it is, I'll help you out, though."

Mark stepped back, still burning red with his nerves going wild, but feeling better. "I can't see that going too well." 

~

After that, it became easier. Mark stopped by often, bringing in lunch or just studying in a corner. The faint buzzing and chatter from the separate rooms were calming and the chairs were comfortable. He'd spare glances toward Donghyuck, only making small talk every now and then, but never getting to know each other more.

It was a relatively consistent routine, until Mark came in wearing shorts.

He didn't think much of it. He always liked his legs. It was warm outside and he didn't want to throw on sweats or jeans. He'd just be sweaty and uncomfortable.

But when Donghyuck showed up, Mark was suddenly much more aware of his choice of clothing. He was sitting near the counter, chatting with Taeil and Johnny, when he walked through the door. His eyes immediately zoned in on Mark's thighs, making him burn red and shift under the attention.

"Oh my god, I would love to mark those thighs,"

Johnny started screaming immediately, a shrill "excuse me?" ringing across the parlor before throwing himself over the counter and tackling Donghyuck to the ground.

Mark sat there, stunned. Heart racing and head pounding. He couldn't even hear Donghyucks protests or Taeils laughter, only the blood rushing to his head as his face grew red.

Without a second thought, Mark bolts. Forgetting his bag and anything else not on his person, he's out the door in a second, only stopping when he can't see the parlor anymore. He yanks his phone out of his pocket and calls Renjun.

The phone rings, and rings, and rings, and once Mark hears the phone click, he starts screaming. A full-blown, terrifying scream that catches the attention of many people on the street. Mark doesn't care, he needs to get it out and it's better to scream here than in his apartment, where he could get a noise complaint.

"Yeah?" is the only response that Mark gets before he hangs up and begins jogging home. 

He responds to Johnny's text once he's home, letting him know that he's okay and just a bit embarrassed, if anything.

[To: Johnny Hyung!]  
Please just tell him that Im sick.  
I got sick. I was nauseous and I ran to. Go throw up.

[From: Johnny Hyung!]  
u really want me to tell him ur sick?  
what if he shows up at ur door with food

[To: Johnny Hyung!]  
He wouldnt do that…  
He probably doesnt care, anyways.

[From: Johnny Hyung!]  
bet

Now, Mark had no fucking clue what that was supposed to mean, but he was afraid. Would Donghyuck be showing up at his door soon? Or would Johnny make sure that Donghyuck did care that he was sick? Maybe both? Either way, it was a mildly threatening message, and Mark wasn't here for it.

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he made his way toward the bathroom to change, pulling off his binder and instead putting on a hoodie. Mark has too much work to do and no time to worry about mysterious and cryptic messages from his older brother.

~

Mark had finally gotten Johnny's messages out of his mind, until three days later, when Renjun sent him an equally strange and cryptic message.

[From: Renjunnie]  
you might want to go put your binder on  
like. right now

Before Mark could even think about typing up a confused response, there was a knock at the door. Maybe Renjun wanted to go somewhere? Mark wasn't sure, getting up to answer the door.

What he wasn't expecting, was to see Donghyuck there, in all of his glory, holding a bag from a nearby cafe. He smiled gently, holding the bag up.

Panic floods Mark. No wonder why Renjun was trying to warn him. He slams the door shut and sprints to his room, slamming that door shut as well. He hears the front door open and shut quietly. Donghyuck has let himself in. 

Mark yanked on his binder and pulled his hoodie back on. He was holding back tears, trying his best not to cry. He knew Johnny wouldn't intentionally do this, but he was still upset. Donghyuck had probably seen his chest, he probably thinks he's weird, less of a man, now. 

Mark pushes those thoughts aside. Taking a deep breath and wiping his eyes, Mark stepped back out into the hallway. Donghyuck thinks he's sick, and now he's here to feed him, that must mean something, right?

As he walks toward the main room, he sees his shoes sitting with the others. His jacket is thrown over the side of the couch and there's a convenience store bag sitting on the table in front of it. 

He shuffles to the kitchen and sees him searching through the drawers before finding what he was looking for, a spoon, apparently. Without looking back, he starts talking. "I'm making you soup. My mom taught me how before I moved out, just in case."

"Do," Mark stopped, thinking over his question. "Do you need help?"

Donghyuck set the spoon down and turned around. "Nope, go lay down. Grab a blanket, put the TV on, get comfy. I'll bring it out when it's done, okay? I'm making extra so you can have leftovers for when I'm not here to make you something."

Mark muttered out an "Okay," before turning around and putting himself on the couch. He pulled his phone out and texted Renjun.

[To: Renjunnie]  
Hes cute when he cooks. :(

[From: Renjunnie]  
sorry. i tried to warn you  
he msged me cuz he was anxious and i barely had time to get to you before he just. committed to it, ig

[To: Renjunnie]  
Its okay, its not your fault.  
He hasnt said anything, hoping he wont.  
Hes just. Acting normal? Its weird.

Donghyuck walked into the room carrying two bowls of soup. It smelled amazing from afar, and even better up close. Mark went to reach for the bowl when it was pulled away from him.

"You're sick, I'll feed you. Don't worry," He stopped, setting both bowls down. "Do you need a blanket? I could go grab one for you, if you tell me where they are?"

Mark shook his head. "No, 'm good. I can also feed myself, I'm not… too sick yet,"

Donghyuck snorted and muttered something under his breath. He grabbed the bowl of soup and handed it to Mark with a spoon. "Be careful, it's hot. I don't want you to burn yourself."

He nodded, smelling the soup. "It smells great, thank you, Donghyuck,"

"Hyuck, just call me Hyuck,"

Mark grabbed the spoon from his bowl as Hyuck settled down next to him on the couch. He scooped some soup up, blew on it a little, before trying to eat it.

He immediately burnt his mouth, whining quietly.

"I told you to be careful, didn't I?" Hyuck scolded him gently. "You have to blow on it more to cool it down. It's right off the stove,"

Nodding, Mark picked up his spoon and began to eat again. They sat in relative silence, with no background noise. It wasn't awkward, really. They were both comfortable and there was no reason to talk. By the time they finished the food and Donghyuck had saved the leftovers, Mark was starting to doze off on the couch.

He laid down all the way, stretching himself as much as he could across the tiny couch. He felt a blanket get draped over him as he cuddled further into the couch.

"I'll give you a few minutes, hyung told me its not good for you to sleep with it on, so I can't let you go for long, okay?"

Mark didn't bother with a reply, barely even processing the words as he fell asleep. 

When he woke up, it was to gentle shaking on his arm and the sounds of Hyuck trying to get his attention. 

"No," Mark whined out, shuffling away from the hand. "Don't wanna, just carry me,"

"But… Mark, hyung said… he said you needed to take it off. I can't let you sleep with the," he hesitates for a second, "the binder on? That was his most important rule."

Mark just whined again, ignoring the spark of his nerves, opening his eyes slightly and glaring at Hyuck. "Carry me to bed and I'll take it off under the sheets… please?"

Donghyuck just laughed, "Okay you big baby, but you have to hand it to me once you're done so I can make sure. I don't want your brother to fire me,"

Mark hummed, holding his arms out, ready to get picked up. Yet, he still gasps when Donghyuck slips his arms under Mark, one under his shoulder and one under his knees, and picks him up with seemingly no effort.

He carries him down the hall, until Mark grunts and kicks a door open with his leg. Once he's set down, he slips his way under the covers, slipping out of his hoodie and taking the binder off, wiggling back into the hoodie after.

Sticking his head back out, he throws the binder at Hyuck. "It's off,"

"Thank you," he whispers back, folding the binder and setting it on the boy's nightstand. "I hope you sleep well and feel better. I'll be back tomorrow with more food around the same time,"

Right as he's about to shut the door he stops. "Dress as comfortably as you would like. I don't mind and I won't judge, I just want you to be comfortable, okay?"

Mark is thankful that the lights have already been shut off as his cheeks tint pink. "Thank you," he smiles tiredly, "goodnight."

Hyuck closes the door with a soft click, and Mark dreams of a cute boy with heart-shaped lips and ink in his skin.

~

Donghyuck showed up again the next day, ready to prepare another meal for him and Mark. He sends a silent greeting to Mark, who was sitting on the floor with his laptop trying to get homework done.

Mark doesn't know how long he has to act sick, or even how long a normal sickness lasts, but he has work to get done and nothing is going to get in his way. 

This time, when dinner is done, Donghyuck doesn't bother reminding him of how hot it can be. Instead, he gently sets the bowl down on the coffee table and switches on the TV. Mark doesn't mind, he's the one cooking and taking care of him anyways.

Mark continues to study, the chattering of the TV in the background doing nothing to distract him. He occasionally eats a spoonful or two of food before getting back to work.

It isn't until the TV shuts off that Mark realizes how late it is. His food is long gone, and so is the bowl, as Donghyuck had cleaned up. He glances up and makes eye contact with the other boy on the couch.

"It's almost 11, you need to get some rest,"

Mark hums, looking back down at his laptop, with the half-written essay and the numerous tabs of research and notes open. "I'm not done yet, I still have a lot to do."

"I'll give you until midnight to get to a stopping point, and then I'm shutting you down and you're going to bed," Donghyuck compromised, leaving no room for argument. He turns and grabs a tiny journal out of his bag sitting next to the couch before settling back down.

Mark took the chance, turning back to his computer to keep working on his essay. He knows he won't be getting it done tonight, but it's not due tomorrow. 

At 12 o'clock, on the dot, Donghyuck gets up and stretches. "Times up,"

Mark lets out a weak whine, but saves his work and closes his laptop anyways. 

This time, he sees Donghyuck out, thanking him for the food and company. He watches him walk down the hallway to the elevator, making sure he gets on safe, just in case.

As soon as he's gone, Mark sighs and closes the door. He's too sweet to be real, this is too nice to be real, he thinks. Maybe he can dream for just a bit longer.

~

Their routine continued for nearly a week. Six days in total. On the morning of the seventh day, Mark begged Renjun for Donghyucks number. Renjun told him to not be a little bitch and to get it himself.

Unfortunately, Mark couldn't do that. He didn't want to see Donghyuck at all today. Nothing was wrong, per se, but he wasn't doing well. Not sick, no, just… unwell.

It was Tuesday. Tuesdays were Marks T shot days. His hormones were always all over the place on Tuesdays and he was more emotional. Oh, and he hates needles.

On Tuesdays, Mark sleeps in. It makes everything a bit more tolerable. He would go to his afternoon class and as soon as he's home, he throws himself on the couch to watch shows and ignore the world, unless he has other priorities.

Like now. Mark has an assignment due at midnight that was definitely not on the syllabus. Had Mark known of the assignment ahead of time, maybe he would be able to handle Donghyuck coming over, but not right now, not when he's in such a vulnerable state. He's not even able to wear his binder because he's insanely sore, needing to give his ribs time to rest after wearing it for much longer than he was used to.

Needless to say, Mark is not having a good time. He feels like ass and he's already cried over this assignment, he needs to go shopping because he only has ramen and cheese in his fridge, and he's out of any sort of caffeinated liquid to get him through this demonic day. 

He sends Johnny a text, knowing Renjun won't give him Hyucks number.

[To: Johnny Hyung!]  
I wish I didnt exist.  
Tell Donghyuck to stay away please.  
I dont have his number.  
I dont want to see anyone. Not a good day.

[From: Johnny Hyung!]  
are u sure bud?  
im gonna be honest, i think he can help  
he has,, old experience with shots. used to help one of his friends with his insulin cuz he was too anxious to do it himself  
even if u dont want him to stay for long, consider it?  
i wont push if u say no

Mark looks at the messages and considers, frowning. He knew he would try to put his shot off if he didn't have someone with him. It had happened before, anxiety attacks draining him out leading up to his shot and putting it off until the next day just to repeat the process until someone helped him.

He also knew that he needed comfort right now. He craved it. Mark wants nothing more than a hug and to cry into someone's shoulder. To have someone help him with his assignment and make sure he's taking care of himself.

Donghyuck has helped before, bringing him food, carrying him to bed, keeping him from overworking. He had even shown Mark stretches to help his ribs and back to keep them from getting too stiff.

[To: Johnny Hyung!]  
:(  
Can you tell him Im not in good condition?  
I dont want him to expect me to be okay when Im like this.  
I might snap at him. Please let him know.  
I dont mean it.

[From: Johnny Hyung!]  
he said hell be by right after work  
so at around 2  
i love u bud, ur gonna be okay

[To: Johnny Hyung!]  
Thank you, Hyung.  
I love you too.

There was about an hour until 2, meaning at least an hour and a half until Donghyuck showed up, if not longer. In the meantime, he grabbed his notebook and textbook, ready to take notes. He put music on, his happy playlist, since he felt like shit and needed something good to help him out.

When Donghyuck showed up, letting himself in with what appeared to be Johnny's spare key, he did not find Mark studying.

Instead, he found Mark sobbing on the ground in front of his coffee table, wrapped in blankets. 

"Oh, Markie," he sighed out, setting down the few grocery bags he had gotten on his way over, along with his backpack.

He made his way over to the lump on the floor, sitting down next to him. "Can I touch you? If you're uncomfortable just let me know and I'll stop,"

Mark nodded weakly, sniffling and gasping for breath from crying so hard.

So Donghyuck reached out. Mark flinched away, but relaxed as soon as he realized what was happening. Hyuck was stroking his hair, very gently running his fingers through his hair and detangling it.

"I brought you a bunch of chocolate. Hyung said your favorite was the milk chocolate with caramel, so that's what I got you. There's quite a bit of it. I also brought stuff to make you mashed potatoes? Hyung said you really like that as well. He also mentioned something about meatballs so I bought you those shitty frozen ones that you can pan cook."

Mark made eye contact with him and attempted a smile. "Thank you," he sniffled.

Smiling back Donghyuck decided to ask what was wrong. "Why were you crying? Is it something I can help with?"

He got a groan in response and Mark sunk further back into his blankets. He let out a pathetic sniffle and focused on his breathing before starting. "My professor, Mr. Park, he told us about this stupid fucking assignment due tomorrow, but it wasn't on the syllabus. I thought it would be fine, and I got the assignment but," he took a shaky breath, closing his eyes.

"Hey, take your time, you're okay."

"The topic, it's barely in the textbook, and I don't understand it at all. My lecture notes from that day are awful and I can't find any good resources on it." 

That's… not the best. But a situation that can be fixed, to some extent. "Send me a copy of the assignment and leave it be for a bit. I'll make you something small to eat, you can take a nap if you want, and then we'll tackle it together. Does that sound okay?"

Mark looked like he was going to cry again, his eyes filling with tears. "Yeah," he croaks out before tears started streaming down his face. "You're so sweet. Such a nice guy. You're like, practically perfect. I mean, you brought me meatballs, and I'm just-"

"Don't put yourself down. You're overworked, tired, and stressed out beyond belief," Donghyuck cut him off, running his hands through Mark's hair again, trying to help him relax again. "Would you like me to move you to the couch so you can get some rest?"

He nods, weakly wiping his tears.

Once Mark is on the couch, Donghyuck gives him a bottle of water, some Advil for his headache, and a bag of chips before heading to the kitchen to take care of the groceries.

Donghyuck came back with his own bottle of water and sat down on the floor in front of the couch, ready to look through the assignment.

"You can stay there for a bit, I'll gather some information, and then we can get working."

Mark had never been more thankful for someone in his life. He had barely known the boy for a month and here he was, on his floor, helping him with his homework and making sure he's taking care of himself.

He didn't know what to say. Just the thought that this boy has been so kind to him and not questioning his identity has Mark on the verge of tears again. He sniffles and wills the tears back, instead taking the time to admire Donghyuck.

The curve of his nose and mouth, how his hair falls just perfectly over his face. It's then that Mark notices his piercings. He had already seen the ones on his ears, where he only has one simple earring today, but not this one. It's on his nose. A simple stud on the one side of his nose. He wonders if he can change it out for a ring, or if it just stays a simple stud. Or which Donghyuck prefers. Maybe he changes it depending on the look he's going for?

The next thing Mark moves to is his tattoos. He doesn't have a full sleeve or anything of the sort. Instead, he has tattoos randomly placed on his arms, scattered around like doodles on a paper. Mark thinks it looks better on him, as opposed to a full sleeve. 

There's a bloomed sunflower, right next to a larger lily, leaning into each other. A feather closer toward his elbow, colorful and vibrant. There's also a card, what seems to be the king of hearts. Mark knows that he has more, but he can't see them or make them out from his current position.

Donghyuck hands Mark his laptop, and they get to work. Both trying to decypher the articles and stray textbook excerpts. Eventually, Mark has all he needs to finish the assignment, including a full outline and understanding of what he wants to submit.

While he works on the assignment on his own, Donghyuck goes and makes him his dinner, his mashed potatoes and meatballs, despite it being unconventional. Johnny had sent him a simple recipe so he knew how to make it properly, so he wasn't too worried.

Mark thanks him profusely when he brings it out, looking extremely happy after all of the stress he's gone through in the past few hours. It's only when the assignment is finished and turned in does Mark's anxiety return.

He has his shot.

Donghyuck seems to pick up on this, sitting next to Mark. "C'mere," he pats his lap.

He lays himself on Donghyuck's lap, trying to focus on his breathing. Donghyuck starts running his hands through his hair again, in an attempt to soothe him.

"It'll be okay, I promise. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you,"

"I know… it's just scary and stupid. I basically need these shots to live, but I hate them. I never thought I could hate something so much in my life. I wish there were another way, but it's entirely too expensive and I barely have the money to pay for what I have now," Mark was getting upset. It's a debate he's had with himself constantly, and every week it just gets worse.

"I promise you, I will make this as easy as possible for you. I'll give you all of the little tips and tricks that I know, okay? If we get it done now, you don't have to feel as awful for long."

It made sense. The sooner he gets it done the sooner he stops feeling like this, this exhausting anxiety that leaves him feeling like jello. He gets up and walks into the bathroom, where everything is kept. When he gets ready to reach for the drawer, a hand stops him.

"Don't touch it, I can take care of it. Not seeing it helps, go sit down," Donghyuck advises him, waiting until he's sat down before pulling anything out.

He grabs the syringe and fills it up, walking over to Mark.

"Are you comfortable?" he asks.

"No, I'm not, sorry,"

"That's okay, bud. Let's move to your bed, okay? That way you can just lay down once we're done."

Once they get to the bed, Donghyuck pulls out his phone and starts playing music, before handing the phone to Mark, where it's open on a set of photos. 

He pulls Mark's shirt up just enough to get to his stomach, cleaning the area before squeezing it between his fingers. Mark tenses up, whining and slamming his eyes shut. But nothing happens.

"That's one of the tattoos I did. The woman wanted it on her back. It was one of her first tattoos and it was huge. At least a 3-day process with my availability," he feels Mark start to relax, scrolling through the photos on the phone.

"That long? I've never gotten a tattoo before… I didn't realize they took so long,"

Donghyuck hummed. "Yeah, she was so upset when I told her how long it was supposed to take," he chuckled. "She started yelling, she even threatened me. It was so stupid. She tried to trash the place but Johnny hyung managed to stop her before she got to anything and escorted her out,"

Mark started laughing, nose scrunching up. Donghyuck took the time to give him the shot. Mark didn't seem to notice.

"I can't imagine hyung doing that. He looks so big and aggressive but he's really just a huge softie. Did she ever come back?"

Donghyuck smiled at him, glad that he seemed relaxed, anxiety gone, not even realizing that he had already gotten his shot. "No, she didn't. We thought she would, but thankfully she didn't even try."

It wasn't until Donghyuck put the cap back on the needle and set it in a nearby empty bottle that Mark had noticed.

He gasped, jerking up and looking down at his stomach. "Oh my god?" 

"It's done, you don't have to worry about it anymore. Not until next week." Donghyuck smiles, tossing out the needle before coming back to the bed.

Mark looks at a loss for words, just rubbing at his stomach. "I didn't even notice…" 

"That's good. I can come back next week and do it for you again, if you would like?"

"Please?" he whispered in response, pulling his shirt down. "Can you, um. Can we…"

He seems nervous again, playing with the blanket and looking around his room. Donghyuck grabs his hand and rubs his thumb over the back of it gently.

"It's okay, you can ask,"

"Can we cuddle? I haven't… had much contact with people recently and I don't feel very well. It's okay, um, if you don't want to? I get it," Mark rushed out, blushing at Donghyuck's actions.

"Oh, Markie, of course. Let me go change, okay?"

Once in more comfortable clothes, they both climb into bed together. It's slightly awkward. Donghyuck doesn't want to overstep and make Mark uncomfortable, and Mark is just a mess of nerves.

Eventually, Mark wiggles closer to Donghyuck, pushing his back up against his front, sighing out. He stays there for a while, Donghyuck putting his arm over Mark's waist and snuggling closer. His phone is still playing music quietly in the background.

Mark turned around, laying his head against Donghyuck's chest and tangling their legs together. "Thank you, for everything, really. The caring for me when I was… sick. And all of this, the shot, the food, even just the cuddling. It means a lot more than you could know,"

Donghyuck hums, smiling gently down at Mark, rubbing his back. "Of course. There's a lot I would do for you, Markie."

He looks up from his place on Donghyuck's chest, making eye contact as he blinks slowly. He was tired. It's been a long day filled with stress and anxiety, but it would have been a lot worse without Donghyuck there.

He tried to reply, but it came out slurred beyond comprehension. Giving up on a response, he started to drift off, warm and as comfortable as he could be, in Donghyucks arms.

~

Mark wakes up to a warm body next to him and hushed singing. There's music playing quietly, but that's not the source of the singing, no, it seems to be Donghyuck. He's playing with Mark's hair as he sings, twisting it around his fingers before letting it go and lightly dragging his nails along his scalp.

Donghyuck. He spent the night over, cuddling Mark, after taking care of him so well. Making a meal that he didn't even know how to make, feeding him, helping him with his homework, doing so much for him.

"Morning, Markie. You have a class at eight, yeah?"

Mark nods, stretching his legs out before curling closer to the body next to him. 

"It's seven, you're gonna have to get up soon. I have to leave sooner rather than later as well, to make it to my class,"

"Can't we just stay in bed all day?" He's pouting, holding on tighter to Donghyuck hoping that he won't leave.

"Sadly, we can't. C'mon, I don't wanna be late,"

They both end up making it to class on time, despite Mark clinging onto Donghyuck until the very last minute. 

Mark made it to class early, taking his usual seat, to wait for Renjun before class starts. 

Renjun hadn't even had the chance to sit down before Mark started.

"He's wonderful, Jun."

"Oh my god, don't do this now," Renjun opened his back, pulling out his laptop and sitting back in his chair. "You'll regret it,"

Mark sighed, laying his head down on his folded arms. "He's so pretty. Donghyuck's like, a god or something. He carried me! I'm not that light, and yet he just, picked me up like I was nothing! I can't believe it,"

Turning in his seat, Renjun laughed. "Is that so? Tell me more, why don't you?"

"He still thinks I'm sick, but the point still stands. He cooks for me, and he helped me with my homework. He even… oh my god, Jun, he even gave me my shot and he hasn't judged me at all. He sang this morning! It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful," Mark was rambling, but he needed to get it out. Texting wasn't the same as talking.

"What happened to 'ohhhh, Renjun, it's just a little crush! It won't be anything more!' hm?" He sighed, patting Mark on the back. "Make a move, and if you don't do it soon, you could… probably expect him to do something first."

Just as Renjun finished his sentence, the professor walked in, ready to start the class.

"He's boyfriend material, I'm gonna kiss him one day,"

~

Mark was listening to the music that Donghyuck often plays while he cooks. He tends to dance around a little bit as well, floating around the kitchen like he's lived here his whole life. Mark was studying at the table, taking his time to compile everything to make studying for finals a bit easier.

When Donghyuck places the food down on the table, Mark has no issue putting his work aside to eat. It's not vital work due the next day, so he doesn't mind one bit. Instead, taking the time to properly enjoy the meal.

"This is wonderful, you're such a great cook," Mark looked up from his meal to smile at Donghyuck.

What he wasn't expecting was for Donghyuck to be grinning back at him. He looked like he was expecting Mark to say exactly that.

"So I've heard," He tilts his head to the side. "I've also heard that I'm so strong that it's impressive. That I'm just wonderful. I think he also said something about my singing being beautiful. Oh, and that I'm, hm, what did he say? Boyfriend material?"

Mark's face dropped. "Oh my god…"

"He was really cute. He seemed flustered to even just talk about me, how precious." Donghyuck continued.

"Please stop… Oh my god, did Renjun tell you? I didn't…" Mark was turning red, covering his face with his hands and whining pitifully. "This is so embarrassing!"

"Markie, look at me," Donghyuck placed his hands over Marks, pulling them away gently. "Sweetie, I'm in your class. I sit right behind you."

Mark wailed, letting out a sad cry before setting his head on the table, trying to hide. 

"You're so cute, c'mere, I like you too," He smiled, petting through Marks hair, trying to get him to calm down a little bit. "I knew you weren't sick. Your brother told me, along with some very… interesting threats."

"Traitor." He lifted his head, but refused to look up from the table, pouting. "Why'd you do it then?"

It was Donghyucks turn to blush now, as he looked down. "I thought you were really cute and I wanted to get to know you better?"

Mark frowned. Was he wanting to date? Did Donghyuck know everything that came with that? What if he decided he was too much work and left him?

"But… I'm," Mark gestured vaguely at himself. "I can't imagine you'd want to-"

"Nope, none of that. Mark, I'm gay, and you are a very cute boy that I happen to have a very big crush on. That's not gonna change," He stopped and sighed. "But I'm not very educated? I might mess a few things up and I need you to know that I don't have any bad intentions."

Mark relaxed, shoulders dropping before finally looking up at Donghyuck. "Are you sure?"

He smiled back. "Positive."

He stood up, pushing his chair back and walking toward Donghyuck, giving him a hug as best as he could. Donghyuck stood to make it easier, and embraced him back, wrapping his arms around the other boy's waist and holding him tightly.

"Your brother is gonna kill me…"

Mark laughed, bright and worry-free. He never thought any of his little meaningless crushes would end up like this. His boyfriend.

"Can I kiss you?" Donghyuck whispered, almost afraid to speak too loudly and break the moment.

Mark nodded, pulling back from the hug. "Thank you for asking,"

~

Donghyuck slid the binder across the counter toward Mark. "Some base designs, I can also sketch you something, or you can pick off of the walls. Your choice. It's gonna be on your body, not mine,"

He was getting a tattoo. Mark was excited and nervous, stomach swirling at the thought of it alone. Hyuck was going to be the one to do it, but it would still hurt. Mark wanted to make sure it was worth it.

He flicked through the different pages, looking at the different designs and ideas that were provided to anyone. He wasn't too sure on what he wanted, but he wanted something meaningful and pretty.

Mark didn't find anything that day that he liked. Nothing really stuck with him, so he kept looking. Online, at the walls, looking at different art accounts and shops, even looking for inspiration in real life.

It hit him late at night, when Donghyuck was staying over, as they cuddled on the couch, Mark laying on top of him.

He gasped loudly and started slapping Hyuck's leg repeatedly. "Get your book! Get it! Where is it, oh my god. Donghyuck I have an idea… I just need you to-"

"I got it, it's right here, baby. Calm down." Donghyuck flipped to a brand new page, grabbing a pencil and raising an eyebrow at Mark, letting him start.

Mark scrambled. "A bird. Like… A phoenix? The ones that signal rebirth! With the fire and stuff,"

Donghyuck hummed in response, jotting down the basics on the back of the page. "Okay,"

"The colors. I want mostly blue, and some red down at the bottom. Red and blue. I don't want it to be obvious, but the trans flag colors, in a sense," Mark was excited, staring up at Hyuck as he wrote down what Mark wanted.

"I think the red would look better anyway," 

Mark beams. He doesn't really know what he wants it to look like, just that the idea of it sounds beautiful. He trusts Donghyuck with the sketch and tattoo in its entirety, knowing that he'll do it justice.

"I'll work on it when I get the chance and show you as soon as it's done, okay?" He closes the book and sets it back down on the table before settling back down on the couch, pulling Mark with him.

He got the full sketch about a week later, and it was absolutely stunning. Flames at the bottom and composing the wings, which were spread up above itself. The amount of red was small, just enough to mean something, while the rest was splashed in blue. More linework than anything, but Mark loved it. The color was meaningful, even though he didn't want too much of it. It was more about the phoenix itself, which was beautiful. With small and intricate details.

[To: Hyuckie <3]  
Oh my god, I love it.  
Now to figure out where I want it, I guess?

[From: Hyuckie <3]  
mhm, i also need to figure out how large you want it so i can get the trace done for you.  
you can stop by tomorrow and we can figure it out?

[To: Hyuckie <3]  
Yeah!  
After class, Ill be there! :D

They eventually settled on Mark's outer thigh. It would be less sensitive and less painful than other areas, and it was easier to hide.

Donghyuck started his tattoo in the early afternoon, and they planned on staying there for a good portion of the day, with extra time for breaks, since it was Mark's first tattoo.

Mark was so fucking nervous. He wouldn't back out, no, it wasn't like that. He didn't even care about the fact that this would be on his body for the rest of his life. It was just the needles. The pain. He didn't like it.

The buzzing that used to help him study before just added to his anxiety. Donghyuck set up and already had the area shaved, cleaned, and had the stencil laid out on his thigh. 

"Ready, baby?" Donghyuck asked, one hand resting on Mark's thigh, ready to start.

"As ever,"

Donghyuck started, and Mark was surprised. It hurt, sure, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he was expecting given that it was a needle pushing ink into his skin.

He still had issues though, tensing up too much when it got bad, and fidgeting with his hands. He rambled too, going on and on about different stories and anything that came to mind.

Donghyuck tapped his thigh, where it wasn't being tattooed. "Can I kiss you here?"

Mark spluttered. "What?"

"Can I kiss your thigh here? If I tap your thigh, am I allowed to kiss there?"

He was confused, but Mark nodded anyways. "Um, yeah? I guess? We're in public, though…"

He got a light slap on his inner thigh. "No! I wanna help you calm down but I can't really touch anywhere else because of cleaning procedures, you idiot."

Mark giggled when Donghyuck placed a gentle kiss on the area he had tapped before, going back to the tattoo right after. And because the random little kisses weren't enough, Donghyuck also decided to tease and flirt with Mark as a distraction as well.

Both worked very well on helping Mark get through the long periods of the process. Even if he was flushed red and embarrassed, whining for Donghyuck to stop.

Mark had stopped rambling, instead listening to his boyfriends singing, his stories about his family, and stupid things Johnny has done in-store before. It's nice, comfortable, even. Time passes faster than he notices. Eventually, the tattoo is finished, being cleaned once more and wrapped up.

"This would've taken much longer if you were anyone else, but you're finally done, baby." Donghyuck smiled, grabbing Mark's hand and leading him to the mirror to be able to fully inspect the tattoo.

It's beautiful. Even more beautiful than it was on paper, or digitally. On his body, it's one of the best things he's ever seen, despite the red irritated areas around it. He mentions this to Donghyuck, giving him multiple kisses in the process, just to watch him get flustered. It's his art, and Mark is in love with it.

"You finally got to mark my thighs, huh?" Mark shuffled away from Donghyuck as fast as he could in an attempt to avoid his attack while laughing wildly.

Once they calm down, Mark sits next to the mirror to further inspect the tattoo while Donghyuck cleans up and gets ready to fully close the shop up. He doesn't think he's been more content in his life. With his boyfriend singing from across the room, he feels happy. His body feels more at home with the new addition, and he feels more comfortable with Donghyuck's strong presence, always reassuring and keeping him sane.

The next time he walks past Mark, he grabs his arm and swings him around. Mark puts his hands on his shoulders, resting his forehead against Donghyucks. "I love you," He whispers.

Donghyuck beams. "I love you too, more than you will ever know."

**Author's Note:**

> this is! my first ever work. i literally havent written anything but concepts before this and so im kinda scared to post it.  
this! started out at a concept that i shared with daniel and he encouraged me to write it :]  
thank u daniel for letting me fucking. rant to u and die over this cuz i had absolutely no clue what i was doing. i love u so much
> 
> i really dont know what im doing! please dont be mean to me! my tiny heart cannot handle being absolutely obliterated by people on the internet.  
uhhhh please support me in the future if i keep doing this? im working on a doyu thats gonna be. a lot. so we'll see where that goes! 
> 
> heres also a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4wjuzuID65r5eUfRzbe7Ig?si=CcDrr3zZSFOs5JRnERAICQ) i made for this fic
> 
> [twitter!](https://twitter.com/athenhyuck)  
[curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.me/athenhyuck)


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